Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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