mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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