saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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