If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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