think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Randomize
