OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
