I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just threw up on my dentist
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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