Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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