I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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