but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
