Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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