i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
did i walk over a car last night?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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