i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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