I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
