somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We named our party play list daddy issues
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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