so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
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