i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
