How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
