I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
