Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I have fence marks all over my body
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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