I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
