I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He uses pillows to masturbate.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
