How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
