im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
my poor anus
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
