She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
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I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
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WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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