I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
