As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
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I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
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Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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