i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
