omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
