I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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