ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Acid is not a monday night drug
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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