I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
