We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
