the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
