There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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