From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
