Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The air taste purple.
Randomize
