first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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