At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
