shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
