So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
