there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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