I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
