What tipped you off? The sombrero?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
