Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
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Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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