using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
