Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
