Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
