I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
