I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
