just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
