worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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