i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
