If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
