roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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