Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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