FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
