So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
