I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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