Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
