the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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