Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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