genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I want to be your penis for a week.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
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