I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
