New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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