why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
