Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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