just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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