Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
