I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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