can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
