Will you blow on my dice?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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