I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
