I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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