the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
