I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Randomize
